Self Defense

Psychology is originally a study of Mind (Consciousness). It is also a study of Self. Linguistically, Self is called Reflexive Pronoun. Myself is called Possessive Reflexive pronoun "I can give something to myself." Self is uniquely human because human is the only creature that can reflex on his own existence. In a way, human is the last step in creation as the only creation that can look back at creation.

People are not dangerous or bad. What is bad or dangerous about people is their defense mechanism and shadow. A person cornered is like a cat cornered. In the movie "X-men", Phoenix has a deadly defense mechanism and she knows it. She begged the Professor to help her but he can't help her because she is more powerful than him. It is her defense mechanism that kills people (even when she knows but can't control it). People who doesn't know his defense mechanism is more dangerous because they can't control and they will hurt self and others. What we are not aware of is beyond our control.

People hurt other people is not because they want to because "they know not what they do". There is a misperception that we have to sacrifice ourselves for others. This is irresponsible and dangerous. When flying on an airplane, stewardess will instruct us to "put the oxygen mask on ourselves first before we put the mask on our children". "It's my job to make you happy and your job to make happy" in relationship is dysfunctional. It is co-dependence at its worst. Co-dependency is expecting others to make us happy. It's the recipe for unhappiness and control. Healthy relationship is Inter-dependent, not dependent, independent, or co-dependent. The sign of maturity or adulthood is independence and meeting own needs is what independence is. It is worst when a person expect his partner to make him happy but he doesn't return the favor. This is a handicapped relationship.

There is a difference between meeting our needs and selfishness. It is our right to meet our needs and be accountable for meeting our needs. Selfishness is meeting our needs at the expense of others. We are free to meet our needs without violating others meeting their needs. This is we are expected to "treat others like we like to be treated but they don't treated like they like to be treated." This is called cheating.

Life is short. Live your own, don't live anybody else. There is difference between helping others and living others' life.

Most people are selfish and blind. Just don't let them violate yours and don't violate others.