Human Needs 5 - Relationship

Abraham Maslow believes that a person is responsible to meet his own needs. An adult person is responsible to meet his own needs. In relationship, we share our life with another person or persons. There are four kinds of relationship (we are talking about relationship between 2 adults, not parents/children relationship):

1. Independence - In independent relationship, each person is meeting his own needs. This kind of relationship does not make sense. Why do we stay in relationship if we are independent?

2. Dependence - In dependent relationship, a person depends on another or others to meet his or her needs. Even though this is healthy for adults-children relationship, this is a "handicapped" relationship between adults. There is a problem of independent living. For example, an adult who expect others to cater to his wants including to always make him happy. This usually happens in a "Dominance-submissive" relationship where one person is more dominant in the relationship. There is a big difference between dominance and leadership. The difference is the consent. Dominance is selected by self and leadership is selected by others. This is a WIN-LOSE relationship where one person has to lose in order for the other to win.

3. Co-Dependence - In Co Dependent relationship, each persons expect each others to meet their needs. In marital relationship, a husband expect the wife to meet his needs and the wife expect the husband to meet her needs. This is a dysfunctional relationship. There is a high degree of control in this relationship because if I expect you to make me happy, I  have to control you to always make me happy and vice versa. This relationship also doesn't make sense if "I have to sacrifice myself to make you happy and you have to sacrifice yourselves to make me happy", there are two unhappy "sacrificed" persons who are TRYING to make others happy (which is mission impossible). This is a LOSE-LOSE relationship where both persons fight in the losing wars.

4. Inter-dependence - In Interdependent relationship, each persons are meeting their own need and they choose to do it together to support and help each other. This is the healthiest form of relationship. There is a high degree of freedom and low degree of control in this relationship. This is a WIN-WIN relationship where one person can win without the other has to lose and one only win when the other also win. Self Actualizing needs, Love and happiness, can only actualized in freedom. A person treat others like he likes to be treated and vice versa (Reciprocal law).

There is a difference between NEEDS and CHORES. We delegate and shares CHORES in meeting our NEEDS together, such as, providing income, maintaining the house, raising children, etc, but they are not the same thing. Sharing CHORES to meed NEEDS is the idea of being in relationship that combined forces is better than one. We, honestly, don't know what make others feel physically satisfied, safe and happy, like they don't know what make ours, why don't we each save a lot of time and frustration and get what we need.

According to Maslow, we can meet our own needs as long as we don't violate others meeting their needs. This is called Self Responsible. What is worst is that a person who meets their needs at the expense of others meeting their needs, this is called Selfishness.