Fear

When there is guilt, shame, fear, there is defense
when there is defense there is offense
defense creates front or the "joneses"
offense creates havoc
dysfunctional is pretend to be normal.

honesty and fear is underrated due to our habit of defense and ignorance
we dont know that we are lying and we live in our defense


"do what I say not as I do" = "I say" represent the ideal self, "i do" represent the real self.
"I say" is artificial directive sentence uttered by the non-doer
for example, a smoker who told others not to smoke
"I say" is a socially desirable expectation we expect from others to please us
Like we teach a child not to do something that we do
The child will learn what we do more than what we say
he will have discrapency between what we do and what we say
when we do it, it does not annoy us, but when others do it, it annoy us
like we don't tickle ourselves? or because we surpress our unpleasent self
like we like to control others but we don't like to be controlled by others
but we don't know that we are controlling others
so, basically, we don't like to be controlled by others, but since we surpress part of our selves, unknowingly, that's why we control others.
If we are aware of controlling others, we may empathize and stop it

so we don't realize what we do, we realize what we think and what people do.
We should realize what we do not what we think or say and not what people do, but what they may think and feel.

so, when we ask people to do what we say, we are asking ourselves to do it but we are in denial and we project it to others. the more a person is out of control and try to control himself, he will try to control others more.

the less we do the more we talk
we talk to complement or cover up what we can't do
since we reject ourselves, we reject those qualities in others too and ask them to change
since we are afraid and hate some qualities in our selves, we hate those qualities in others too.
when they come out, we don't see it or refuse to see it
but when others do it, we hate it and condemn it


when we ask people to do what we say, we are asking for pleasing behavior and to stop annoying behaviors
why is it people who doesn't like to be annoyed annoy others with the same behaviors?
why is it people who like to be pleased doesn't please others with the same behaviors?
It s like I give people a present A but i don't like receiving the present A.
or, I like receiving present B but I don't like giving the present B to people.

do i annoy people to punish others because I know that people annoy me to punish me? ngambek
we can punish others but we don't like to be punished. we like to be pleased but we don't like to please others.
it is a one way street. so we have a punisher and a pleaser. distress signal and attraction signal.
So it's our weapon, punisher and pleaser, but we don't like others to use those weapon on us.

The talker or saying is usually less doer and higher maintainance because he knows and does less
He has fear and insecurity because he has to depend on the doer, that's why he has to show his power and demand power to complement or cover up his lack of power and competence. They live in anxiety because he has to control others all the time and don't know it. They are powerless and incompetent. Their power is only a face to scare others. An angry cat is an afraid cat.