He who laughs last thinks slowest
Remember half the people you know are below average.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
42.7 % of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Clones are people two.
I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Honk if you love peace and quiet
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
The early bird may get the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Get a new car for your spouse. It’ll be a great trade.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand…
OK, so what is the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you are out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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