love

Love is passive reciprocical reaction (it doesn't have to be social, but it is reciprocial). It is not about "to love" but as "being loved". Social love occurs in interpersonal environment where reciprocal can happens in interpersonal but also intrapersonal environment. (I may agree with you here that love may have no external object, but love always have objects. This is what I mean by non preferential/partial in earlier post.). I will argue that all experience have a reciprocial relationship between the behavior, mental, and feelings. This reciprocial relationship makes an experience. We have an experience and we tell a quality of the experience with feelings, a "sense of love". Like you said earlier when I ask you how you tell if you are in oneness, you feel it all over your body. That's called feelings.

Feelings is the most important among the three (Suffering is nothing but feelings. Enlightenment is the absence of afflictive emotions or sufferings like darkness is the absence of light. There is no such thing as darkness like there is no such thing as suffering). This feeling is what "love" people talk about. It's the sense of love we have, positive or negative.  The problem with attachment based love is the presence of negative/afflictive emotion/feeling that comes when the object of our love leaves or gives the love to another, the thorns of the roses.

This is the most important part. Feelings is reactive. It tells us not how much we love but how much we are loved. The so called "social needs" is our needs of being loved, accepted, and approved. Afflictive social emotions, such as grief, tells us about the loss of love coming our way. Jealousy tells us about missing the love that goes somewhere else. The world focuses on the active loving of others, but that's not what we need. Like we must be fed with food, we must be loved first. Our feelings tells us how much love we receive. For example, in romantic love, I like a person. During courting, my sense of love will go up and down based on how much she likes me. All my feeling care about is not how I love, but how much I was loved/she loved me. If all I care about is "I like her", my feelings will not go "roller coaster" on me.

WHat's the problem with conditioned attachment based love? Our sense of love depended on/conditioned on external objects of our love that may change mind, that may dissapear, that we have no control over. Afflictive emotions only shows up when we don't get what we need, just like hunger.
In conditioned attachment based love, there is dissapointment because our sense of love depended on external locus of control. We feel happy when they care and we don't when they don't.

Due to the frustration of the conditioned attachment based love or for some people who got hurt or deprived of their love needs, they say there must be other ways. They go inside. Remember the passivity, it is not about loving the self, that would be narcissistic. The narcissist who love the self has the same problems with people who has compulsion in loving others, they just turn it to himself. They are denying their needs to be loved or experiencing past severe neglect of being loved, that they must do it themselves to love themselves.
It is about "being loved by the self". This takes a high level of vulnerability/intimacy and level of trust with oneself that it's spiritual. It takes high level of openmindedness to listen to oneself. The language people use usually "be with oneself". There is sense of freedom just to be without any conditions and I have all I need to be happy. Some people even reach ecstassy from the joy that they are free. At this level, we are speaking about mystical experience where words sound wierd trying to explain it. Some people talk about "making love to God", "bride/groom with the beloved". There is a high level of intoxication feeling present from the sense of love but without dissapointments. At this level, language breaks down because it is not needed.