Love

One of the most difficult to understand biblical verse for me is  "If a person hit your right cheek, give him your left also"
In martial arts, a beginner learn offense first, how to hit and kick
However, they learn defense when advance
It is how strong they are to take hits or kicks
It's much easier to attack others than defending oneself
They develop strong body and mind to withstand pain and fear
The level of one's invicibility is not how good his offense is, but how good his defense is
Superheroes can dodge bullets
Part of the advance martial arts practice is to develop your defense
to fight against our own pain and fear
to learn to take hits after hits
Is this what Jesus is trying to say?

Being Human

I think a human person is Good with capital G
when he is in a vacuum
when we see it by itself, what he is able and capable of
However, when we take him out of the vacuum and put him in "real" life
we see his competence on some skills, incompetence in some skills

Another way to see the goodness of human is to see it from afar, see it as part of humanity
like seeing the earth from an airplane or space, so peaceful

This "idealistic/on the paper" view sometimes is confused with the "real/dynamic" version
I believe that "human is basically good" is "on the paper"
dynamically, there is fear factor involved...

career

Career path is complicated
is it passion or a reaction to something?
Like a child who prefer doing chores rather than studying
it's the lesser of two evils
How many times I make mistakes in decision making
overcame with wants, I sacrifice the needs

To identify passion, first we must rule out any internal or external factor that a person may react to
reacting to trauma or old wounds
it's the old defense mechanism in action
they feel almost the same with passion

Is it the personality, part of the whole psyche?
or is it the psyche?
like an extrovertness or introvertness is not who a person
it's his favorite strategy to deal with problems

THinking

Just realized how much I think and write while looking back at this blog
there is a theme to this blog, investigation of mind and suffering
Is this what I am "born" to do?
instead of doing clinical intervention, doing scientific investigation?
that I am a scout not an explorer?

Thinking about switching gears
Going back to school that focus on investigation

Input vs Output

What is so called life but an input?
the images created or perceived
experiences sensed
mind is the output generator and the input receiver
we listen to what we say
we watch what we project on the screen of mind
input is the background of our output
current of thoughts coming to the field of mind's visual
input from our internal senses
needs are input
love are input
all are food that we take in
life itself is input and our reaction to it
input is passive karma
our reaction is our active karma that creates future passive karma
input is the context of our output behaviors
environment where we live
what kind of input environment do we live in?
but, input = output.
our input is created by our output behavior
the thought that we create
what we don't create we called automatic/unconscious
our input comes from our output, it's self created
then, we react/create output to the contextual input
creating the loop of output/input
what happens when we shut down the input?
there is no output and there is no input
cutting the loop
cutting the habit, the cycle

Tuesday 25 June 2013

There are internal and external factors to a behavior
the triggers are also internal or external
a person who act angry could be trigger internally, his mood/habit
or externally, situation

A statement could be subjective and objective, depends on the amount of agreeableness
concrete or abstract, depends on generalization

narcissism is a hunger/deprivation of love not received
"he doesn't love me"
it's about what other people don't do
nobody gets sick from not loving enough
people gets sick from not geting love
that they think they deserve
they get dissapointed when they don't
that's why love is not attachment to others
about love or being love
it's an addiction
and the other way is true, what others feel or needs or wants is not our responsibility or obligation to do
each fulfill his own needs
as long as we don't violate others or ask others for our needs

we suffer because we think happiness is out there, from what others do AND we think we are responsible for others' happiness

THe problem of suffering:
1. We subjectify the I ness by pronouns the I (intrapersonalize it)
2. We interpersonalize it (adding you)
3. Obsess and misapprehend about I

PD Revisited

Is narcissism an addiction to grandiose sense of self?
overattaching to an overideal image of self?
addiction to the pleasure attached to the image?
like having this image of super perfect life of wealth, fame, and power
produce the same pleasure like drugs do
antisocial is the super rebel
borderline is the super controller

Time illusion

Don't say "the world is like this or that, he is this or that"
say "the world was this or that, he was this or that"
because what we perceive is already in the past
we can be aware of our perception in the present
but the content of our perception is always the past or future, what has or has not happened

is there perception other than sense perception?
linguistic abstract perception or mere image

Trustworthiness

To trust and love others are as natural as learning
Our problem is caused by our own perception of our own trustworthy
how we value or esteem our selves
how we are trusted and loved
how trustworthy we are
what our worth is
it's not we dont trust others, we don't trust ourselves
we believe others don't trust us
this is the human sickness
there is a crisis of trust
we can see it in an corrupted and disfunctional organization or government
where there is a crisis of trust
in a corrupted and disfunctional mind, there is also a crisis of trust

so, it is not a matter of loving and trusting others
it is not even a matter of how others love and trust us
it is how we trust and love ourselves

Secret of Happiness

I promise me that I will take care of me
I will make me happy
I will make me smile
I will love me
I will give the best to me
I will put me first
Then, and only then, I ll do the same to you...

thoughts june 18 2013

sex offending behavior is difficult to treat for both the victim and perpetrator
not because sex is taboo, but because it is private
there are too many psychological factors, such as shame, guilt, and fear associated with it

we suffer because of our emotional reaction to our thought
it's the self attached reaction
we also feel good from the same reaction
we still react because we still care....

Religious Language

The older I get, the more I don't understand Religious language
so irrational and illogical, natural and supernatural explaination mixed together
so abstract yet it was followed by many
like saying this statement "we don't know what God is" then write the whole article about what God is
Authority based piece doesn't have to be logical or rational
don't they see in the bible that we are judged by our action not our words?
don't they see that we judged by what we do, not by how many times we pray and worship, how many time we study the Book, and how many times we say the word God.
a religious person doesn't mean a good person, it just means a person who belongs to a religion
it doesn't even mean a person who practice his religion
Oh, how many of us practice the religion, but don't practice the religion in our life?
How useless it is to learn and practice religion if we can't use them in our life?
No wonder there are so many atheists out there
so many religious people gives religion and God a bad name
Atheists don't really reject God
they reject the people so called religious who gives the religion a bad name
That's why Jesus was crucified by religious people, no, the leader of religious group

let your action do the talking
show what you learn from your religion from your action
don't talk about it, just do it
because I don't care what you say, I only watch what you do
get out of the box
stop talking
stop asking for things that have been already given
stop praising God who doesn't need compliments
stop saying I love God before being able to love others
"you feed me when you feed the poor"
Like Jesus, preach what you practice, not the other way around
stop gossiping about God, Jesus, holy spirit like some celebrity gossip
we only gossip whom we don't know
it is better to do good than to know what good is
pity are the preachers, they are so busy studying the scripture, gaining the knowledge
and teaching the knowledge to others, that they may have no time to practice the knowledge
what use is knowledge if it doesn't materialize into action???

technology

Imagine that we are still living in the cave
we just need to use basic language that is concrete
where life and death is a coin toss
emotion is our main tool for survival
how appropriate it is.

We now live in the symbolic world
abstract world that enable progress that enable us to create something out of nothing
we ve come a long way
however, we are still using the emotion, the old tool

On top of that, we are now living where our perception can capture dynamic concrete and abstract world
however, we are still using symbols, a static analogue
like comparing books and video
where video can capture moving pictures and book must rely on language

so, our emotion and our language are insufficient to deal with the world
if you only have a hammer, everything is a nail

Narcissism

Narcissism is a sense of feeling overloved
being overobsessed by others
being busy trying to create and maintain the image
but a person doesn't fall in love with own self
fall in love with own self is mysticism
narcissism is a sense of being fell in love by others
personality disorders are social disorders
where social dificiency leads to social overcompensation
overblown and overmaniac ego
the more the deficiency, the higher the ego
from hero to superhero
from human to superhuman
there is positive feeling attaching to these roles
maybe like thinking about food when one is hungry?

abstraction questioning skills

therapy focuses more on preventive goal where treatment on curative goals
there is a therapy called metaphor therapy
that believes that we think in metaphor
even though it is a breakthrough
it is still not accurate because a metaphore is static
it is more appropriate to focus on mentalese
a mentalese therapy
that believes that our mind is a language (verbal and graphic)
it is more dynamic

using clean languages, a client guide the therapist into his mind landscape
and the therapist use his navigational questioning skills in reading the road signs
a client comes to therapist because he is stuck or lost direction
a therapist is a driving ed instructor who accompany the client
into the journey of his mind
by using questioning skills

mentalese exist on many dimension of abstractions
on average, it is neither highly nor lowly abstract
we leave many details out but also it's not out there
we can zoom in or zoom out using the questioning skills
we first zoom out to see the big picture or the map
before we focus on details
we zoom out to create rapport
we pull out to the edge of relationship level, the stranger's level
where we talk about general issue
we nomalize, use exagerated and loose adjectives and adverb
we use loose unknown referential and performative
we make loose conjunction, connection in time, and causality
we mind read
we use modal operative as we please
we use yes/no questions or tag questions that is easy to answer
we use slangs or highly abstract words that is highly ambiguise
we use negative commands

when I am in the car, it's time to travel the road
we shift to higher gears to focus on more detail
we zoom into details
break down ambiquity and looseness
we break down gerunds or any noun that is not noun
any abstract nouns
we question any unspecified/unquantified noun
any absolute quantifier
we question uncleared verb, adverb, or adjective
we question the source and authority
we question any comparison
we question any mind reading

in mentalese therapy, we look at both the environment and the subject
our mind is like a complex sentence where there is a subject with its verb
and there is an environmental clause
the environment is the background and it's more automatic
the subject is the foreground and the main actor that act on the environment
this is complex based has emotion attached to it
it's like an actor in the movie
the subject is I, the environment is usually the Others, the social environment
it's a struggle against environment of how to control the environment
and the person is losing the war
he is stuck in his problem
he is getting sick
or he is in double bind where he knows what to do but can't do it


the client receive information from inside but also receive information from his senses, TOP DOWN AND BOTTOM UP
his attention shift from the past, future, imagination, and the present
his mind shift from other tenses and simple present tense, from RELATIVE TO ABSOLUTE

Mentalese therapy is a personality therapy
a deep dynamic structured personality therapy in motion
examining the structure of his self and his environment

Territorial Self

Human, like animals, is territorial
unlike animals, who can territorize what it only needs
human can invest to the future
much bigger than it needs
and abstractly
this abstract territory gets threatened from time to time

SLEIGHT OF MOUTH

There are two basic patterns that facilitate the use of Sleight of Mouth. They are Complex Equivalence and Cause/Effect .

Complex Equivalence is:

X means Y.

Cause/Effect is:

X makes/causes Y.

Part of these language constructions may be implied, and not openly stated. A customer may tell a sales person "your product costs too much," or a potential client may tell a therapist (massage-, psycho-, etc.) "your fees are too high."

There is an implied "and that means..."

"I don't think your product is worth it.." or,

"I can't afford your services/product."

Most objections and many complaints can be defined as statements regarding limiting attitudes, beliefs or values about a product, service or issue. The person stating the objection or complaint has generalized their experience, usually by deleting or distorting information.

The intention behind using Sleight of Mouth patterns is to gently shift some of these beliefs by demonstrating exceptions to the generalizations, recovering some deleted information or tactfully allowing an awareness of the distortion.

The classic Sleight of Mouth examples are credited to Robert Dilts and Todd Epstein,

X = Y

"Saying mean things means you're a bad person."

Patterns:

Chunking up to a higher logical level:

"Saying mean things means you're a bad person."

Sleight of Mouth takes the meaning of the original statement to apply to a more general category of information:

"So how I communicate is important to you."

"So how someone says something to you is important."

"How do you know that saying mean things means someone is bad?"

"How do you know something is mean?"

Chunking down to a lower logical level:

"Saying mean things means you're a bad person."

This Sleight of Mouth pattern looks for more specific to create distinctions and differences with the original statement. Exaggerate, or find out what's important to the about this.

"What makes something a mean thing to say? As it the tone of voice, the choice of words or the volume?"

"Bad how /mean how/ which things/ to whom specifically?"

Chunking laterally:

"Saying mean things means you're a bad person."

This is a broad generalization of the category of redefining meaning, or reframing the meaning of the original statement.

"It's not that I said a mean thing, it's that I'm: direct."

urgent."

emphatic."

honest."

provocative."

Redefine behavior (of X):

"Saying mean things(X) means you're a bad person(Y)."

This Sleight of Mouth pattern enlarges the interpretations and meaning of the behavioral part of the equivalence. Reframing the statement even more specifically. What other meanings could X have? When you give a new definition to X does the relationship hold up? It follows the format "It's not X it's.....", or "A/=B, A=C and that's D."

"It's not that I say mean things, it's that I use a loud voice. Are you saying that anyone who uses a loud voice is a mean person?"

It's not that I said a mean thing, it's that I told the truth."

Redefine Equivalence (of Y):

"Saying mean things(X) means you're a bad person(Y)."

What other meanings are possible for Y? If you change the meaning of the equivalence (Y) you take a generalization to a higher logical level and all the meaning changes. It follows the format "It's not Y, it's ....." or "A/=B, A=C and that's D."

"It's not that I'm a bad person, it's that I'm a caring person because I care enough to give you feedback.. If I were really bad, I wouldn't say anything."

"It's not that I'm a bad person, it's that I'm a person who has the ability to communicate honestly."

Intent:

"Saying mean things(X) means you're a bad person(Y)."

Chunking up to a higher level of meta outcome for either X or Y. What is the positive intention of X or Y? What are they trying to get through this belief? Why are they saying this?

Intention of X:

"I'm wondering how you're trying to help by having that belief."

"Are you trying to protect yourself by saying that?"

Intention of Y:

"My intention was not to be mean, but to be honest in my communication."

"I didn't to be mean, my intention was to help you learn something."

Change the frame size:

"Saying mean things(X) means you're a bad person(Y)."

Is there a different frame the person can out around the behavior that makes them notice something different? Is there something that they never noticed?

"It may seem mean now, but if you look at the larger picture you'll see it was necessary/"

Or use a Universal Quantifier:

"If every body had that belief, no one would ever tell the honest truth to each other."

"So anybody would says the kind of thing I said is a bad person?"

Hierarchy of criteria:

"Saying mean things(X) means you're a bad person(Y)."

Redirect the person's attention to higher criteria. What are higher criteria for the person? Apply the higher criteria to the equivalence.

"What is really more important, how someone's voice sounds or what they do?"

"Isn't it more important that a person communicates honest feelings?"

"Isn't it more important to be honest than patronizing or ambivalent?"

Another outcome:

"Saying mean things(X) means you're a bad person(Y)."

Shift the person's attention to another outcome, using the format

"Whether or not I said mean things/am a bad person is not the issue, but whether those things needed to be said."

You can also use the forms "whether or not..." and 'the problem here is not that...."

Apply to speaker, (X):

"Saying mean things(X) means you're a bad person(Y)."

Apply X to the speaker:

"That's a mean thing to say."

"I wish you could have said that nicer."

Apply to speaker, (Y):

"Saying mean things(X) means you're a bad person(Y)."

Apply Y to the speaker:

"It's too bad you said that now."

That's not a very good thing to say to friends."

Other causes:

"Saying mean things(X) means you're a bad person(Y)."

What things could cause Y?

Use the format:

"It's not X that makes somebody Y, it's _____."

Consequences of the belief:

"Saying mean things(X) means you're a bad person(Y)."

What could happen to them if they continue to think this way? What are the extreme consequences of the belief?

"Believing that could make it hard to keep friends."

"Beliefs like that can become self-fulfilling prophecies."

Apply a Meta- Frame to the whole equivalence:

"Saying mean things(X) means you're a bad person(Y)."

How is it possible that they could believe that? "You're only saying that because...."

"You're only saying that to empower yourself, and it's useful for people to be able to do that in a variety of ways."

"This is all really about learning/giving feedback/improving communication."

INVESTIGATIVE QUESTIONING SKILLS META MODEL

META MODELS

Unspecified Nouns

Pattern
Things are getting me down.

Response

Which things, specifically? 

Pattern
She's angry.

Response

About what?

At whom? 

Pattern
Successful people are worth copying.

Response

Which successful people?

Back to Patterns list 

Unspecified Verbs

Pattern 

The noise annoyed me.

Response

How specifically did it annoy you? 

Pattern
He generated a lot of enthusiasm in the group

Response

How specifically did he generate the enthusiasm? 

Pattern
She made me angry.

Response

How specifically did she do that?

What did she do that made you angry? 

Back to Patterns list

Modal Operators - necessity

Pattern
I have to go there.

Response

What would happen if you didn't go there? 

Pattern
I really should do that.

Response

According to whom?

What would happen if you didn't do that?

Modal Operators - impossibility

Pattern
That's not possible!

Response

According to whom is that not possible?

Pattern
He can't do that.

Response

According to whom?

What would happen if he did do that? 

Back to Patterns list 

Universal Quantifiers

Pattern
All men are jerks.

Response

All men?

Did you ever know one man who wasn't a complete and total jerk? 

Pattern
He always does that.

Response

Always?

Can you remember one time when he didn't do that? 

Pattern
You never listen to me.

Response

Never?

Was there ever one time when I did listen to you? 

Pattern
Every time I see her, it's the same thing.

Response

Every time?

Can you think of one time you saw her when it wasn't the same thing? 

Comparatives

Pattern
You can do better than that.

Response

Compared to what, specifically? 

Pattern
We need more!

Response

More than what?

Back to Patterns list 

Nominalizations

Pattern
Anger terrifies me. 

Response

How does getting angry terrify you?

What is it about feeling angry that terrifies you? 

Pattern
I'm sick of procrastination.

Response

What kinds of things do you keep putting off? 

Lost Performative

Pattern
It's good to know about these patterns.

Response

According to whom is it good? 

Pattern
It's important to be aware.

Response

What would happen if you weren't aware? 

Pattern
It's bad to eat fats.

Response

According to whom?

Back to Patterns list 

Mind Reading

Pattern
She doesn't like me.

Response

How do you know that? 

Pattern
He understands this.

Response

What have you seen him do or heard him say that makes you think he understands this?

Cause -Effect

Pattern
He makes me angry.

Response

How does he do that?

What does he do that makes you angry? 

Pattern
My job makes me unhappy.

Response

How does your job make you unhappy? 

Complex Equivalence

Pattern
That look means you're angry.

Response

How do you know that? 

Rapport MILTON MODEL

Milton Model:
Nomalization - Gerund
reading, depression, anger
turn it into nouns

Unspecified noun and verb
People enjoy music
what people? how enjoy?

Unspecified referential
It is important to be good

Unspecified adverbs and adjective
that is a good paper
He sings beautifully

Comparable AS
he is as good as his brother

Conjunction
AND, BUT

Connection in time
WHILE, DURING, WHEN

Causality
MAKES, CAUSES, FORCES, BECAUSE, REQUIRES

Mind reading
YOU
You are thinking that ...

Lost performative (source)
Judgement
It's important that...

Modal Operator
Using any modal in sentence CAN, COULD, WILL, WOULD, MUST, MAY, MIGHT, ETC

Conversational Postulate
YES/NO

Between two choice
A OR B

Presuposition
USING SIMPLE TENSE AS FACT

Time
BEFORE, DURING, CONTINUE, YET, ALREADY, BEGIN, STOP, START, STILL, WHILE, SINCE, AS, WHEN

Ordinal
1st, 2nd, 3rd

DIRECTED Awareness
"HAVE YOU REALIZED"
"HAVE YOU NOTICED"

Embedded suggestions

are suggestions or directives buried within a larger sentence. They allow the speaker to ask more subtly and in a way that the listener can respond sometimes without consciously knowing he or she has been asked. (We do this all the time without realizing it).
"I don't know how soon you'll feel better."
"You can learn these patterns easily."
"Well, now . . . "

Negative commands and double negatives

Ambiguity
HOMOPHONE, HOMONEM)

Tag questions

The more A, the more B

Oxymoron
Contradiction in terms
TRY IN VAIN

Body metaphor
PAIN IN THE NECK

These statements are often used in manipulative language, either justification or PR

Nominalizations

If I was to say "you know that you can feel confident about some learnings from last weekend . . . " it is much easier for you to agree than If I was to say "you know that you can feel confident aboutunspecified noun structures from last weekend . . . "
Learnings is an example of a nominalization. To nominalize something means to make a noun out of something intangible, which doesn't exist in a concrete sense (in NLP, we say any noun that you can't put in a wheel barrow is a nominalization). In this example, the process of learning something is turned into a noun, learnings.
Being happy becomes happiness.
Being curious becomes curiosity.
Being depressed becomes depression.
A state like depression becomes an enormous and sometimes insurmountable, overwhelming state of being, for example, whereas being depressed to most people is more likely to imply a state that has a beginning, and more importantly an end. A blockis something much more insurmountable than something that is merely blocking your progress.
"So close your eyes and think for a moment about some recent learning, one that may have given you much surprise and enjoyment."
Notice in the previous sentence the speaker doesn't say how or where, but allows the listener to fill in with his or her own details.

Unspecified Nouns and Verbs

"People can learn easily under hypnosis." There are a few things in this sentence which are not clear,
Which people?
How can they learn easily?
What do they learn easily? 
When phrases like these are used, the listener is forced to use his or her imagination to fill in the who's and how's. Again, these types of phrases are useful for pacing and leading when the speaker becoming too specific could mismatch the listener and break rapport or minimize influence.
"So take a moment and enjoy remembering some of the things you learned and did at the seminar."
What were your thoughts after hearing that sentence? Did you have a specific representation?
What did you learn and do, and which seminar did you learn them at?Nominalizations are one type of unspecified noun. 

Unspecified Referential Indices

(Don't you hate these silly technical terms?) are nouns that don't refer to something specific, i.e., :
"This is much easier to learn than it looks at first."
"This" doesn't really tell us what it refers to. We guess and make an internal decision about the topic of the sentence.
"People can relax."We need to guess which people.

Unspecified verbs and adverbs

also let us fill in with our own experience.
"This is much easier to learnthan it looks at first."
"People can relax."
We don't know how it is easier to learn, or how it looks at first. Nor do we know how people relax, nor how they can do it.But we can imagine how.

Commentary adjectives and adverbs

are a way that we can lead people to easily accept our presuppositions.
"How soon will you be pleasantly surprised by easily remembering and using the tools you're learning this weekend?"

Comparable "As"

are another type of connection:
"If anyone can learn as methodically as you do, they must be extremely motivated and thorough."
Semantic Ill-formedness

Linkages

imply a cause effect relationship between two things. There are three kinds of linkages: 

Conjunctions:

"You are sitting here right now, and you can begin to relax." These include and and but.

Connections in time:

"As you listen to the sound of my voice, you are becoming curious." These include as, while, during and when.

Causality (Cause - Effect):

"The occasional sounds and noises from outside make you feel more and more relaxed." Here you have words like makes, causes, forces, because and requires.
A linkage works by connecting a statement that is pacing something that is already occurring with a statement that leads the listener to some other (usually internal) experience.

Mind Reading

means acting as if the speaker is doing exactly that. By making use of the art of speaking generally, a speaker can make an educated guess about the listener's internal experience to build credibility and deepen rapport.
"I know you are wondering how much you will learn from this training."
"You may be curious about how you will use these patterns."
We must be cautious to keep our references as general as possible. If specific details clash with the listener's thoughts, it will disrupt his or her attention.

Lost Performatives.

It's important to know about these structures, because it's often necessary to deliver presuppositions indirectly. These types of phrases contain at least one judgement or evaluation of which we can't identify the source.
It's important to learn language patterns.
It's essential to have fun learning all this stuff.
It's good that we are all here tonight.
The speaker doesn't state exactly who thinks these things are good, necessary or important.

Modal Operators

can be used to direct the listeners experience in a certain direction."How fortunate you are to be able to learn so easily. It can happen with your conscious mind reading to know how quickly it may happen."

Conversational Postulates

are requests for action or information masquerading as yes/no questions.
"Can you tell me what time it is?"
"Do you know what today's date is?"
"Can you lend me a pen?""Can you go into a trance easily?"

Presuppositions

are ways of indirectly getting agreement from a listener. There are several types of presuppositions:
Existence: "She saw the ice cream in the freezer." Implies is, was. may be.

Time:

Before, after, during, continue, yet, already, begin, stop, start, still, while, since, as, and when. "You may hear noises in the room while you are entering a state of deep relaxation."

Ordinals:

These assume action will be taken, the question is, in what order, 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc. "Do you want to take a deep breath or would you like to settle down into your chair first?"

"Or":

"Would you prefer a silk blouse or one in cotton?" This presupposes that the listener wants a blouse. The question is which.

Awareness:

These assume the statement is true, all that may be questioned is whether the listener is aware. "Have you realized how common it is to be in a trance?" "Have you noticed how often you go into a trance, even by yourself?"

Adverbs and Adjectives

presuppose that something is going to happen. The issue is how will the experience be?
"What have you enjoyed the most about driving the new RX-7?"
"Are you excited about makingthis purchase?"
"How easily can you begin to relax?"
"Fortunately we have plenty of opportunity to practice this material."

Other Patterns
Embedded Suggestions	Ambiguity	The More, The More
Negative Commands	Tag Questions	Oxymorons
	Organ Language

Other Patterns:

Embedded Suggestions

are suggestions or directives buried within a larger sentence. They allow the speaker to ask more subtly and in a way that the listener can respond sometimes without consciously knowing he or she has been asked. (We do this all the time without realizing it).
"I don't know how soon you'll feel better."
"You can learn these patterns easily."
"Well, now . . . "

Negative Commands

use the inability of your unconscious to comprehend language constructions that use negatives (No, Not, Don't, etc.). For instance, if someone were to say, "Don't think about pink elephants," what happens? Using negative commands can be thought of as sending subliminal messages to the brain. Since the unconscious cannot process the negative, only the positive message registers.
"Don't relax too quickly . . . "
"It's important that you don't make this purchase any sooner than you feel comfortable doing so.""Don't go into a trance too soon . . . "

Ambiguity

When words have double meaning, the unconscious mind must process all meanings. Words like down, left, duck, hand, back all have double meanings. Then there are words spelled differently and pronounced the same. Hear/here, your/you're, nose/knows are examples. These can be extremely helpful in helping us produce embedded suggestions."One of the things that's most interesting about you're unconscious mind is its ability to scan for hidden meanings."

Tag Questions

According to Milton H. Erickson, "Tag Questions displace resistance to the end of a sentence," don't they? In addition, they set up a place to create an agreement frame, as well as to strengthen agreement in a pacing situation. It's a fairly effective concept to utilize, isn't it?

The More, The More

Once some degree of rapport is established, this construction the incorporation and utilization of other wise resistant behaviors."The more you try to resist going into a trance, the more you find your eyes wanting to shut all by themselves."

Oxymoron

means using a combination of words that are a contradiction in terms.
"Try in vain."
"Notice those memories whose joyful pain are as vivid as those whose pleasant sadness can remind you of important lessons from the past."

Organ Language

is often used in day to day language, referring to parts of the body as part of a metaphor, such as, "he was a real pain in the neck,." or "I'm not sure if he's ready to face that possibility."
"As you develop more and more confidence, it is possible to reach up to face many different situations that would have been impossible before."
"We are only beginning to scratch the surface of this topic. Who knows what we might discover as we study further."

Behavior

Rational behavior is a nonsense word.
There is rational thinking, but there is not rational behavior
Behavior is measured from its force and direction, it is mechanical
our mind is goal oriented
we use rational to reach our goal

like an addict who destroy his body
or abuser who abuse his family
or a parasite who live off others
they live in complex that has its own rules
it looks irrational, but the thinking is rational
our mind always try to reach goals
what the goals are is the question

the psychology of failure
it is our nature to fail
failure is part of our cycle
those who accept its failure will escape the cycle

Suffering and pain

We suffer when we try to avoid physical pain
like a student who cheat to avoid studying
we take shortcut an find ways to entertain ourselves
soon after, we get trapped in it and suffer
we become addicted to our defense mechanism
it all begins with avoiding physical pain
of unmet needs
all psychological and social problems can be traced to physical problems

Projection - II

My mind reverse the roles in the mind

in fantasy, I create the fake hero and transfer my negative image into the villain

Attaching myself to the fake hero feels good in destroying the villain

That's what we do in projection

we don't care about what we like about ourselves

but, we focus on what we don't like about ourselves

like a mole on our skins

in social drama, we try to hide it

by wearing clothes that cover it

we ll talk about something else or we talk about others who has the same problems

in an attempt to kill the wound

defense mechanism is a complex that has its own subject and verb

we confuse the subject in our defense mechanism as I

the life outside the defense mechanism is ignored or denied

our "negative" behaviors are outside our perception

they become others'

we recognize the behaviors but we deny it

thus, because we have a hate relationship with it

we hate it when we see it in others

we still can't stand it in ourselves, thus we can't stand it in others

it has not been resolved

it's still a secret but we are still doing it because it still gratify us

on the other hand, we see the negative social effect

so, it's a conflict between individual gratification and social norms

between individual view and social

a person who feels good by offending others is in a bind

on one hand it's his right to feel good but at the same time, others don't like to be violated

because it is still a secret, we notice it in others.

especially, when it has become a secret from ourselves..

Investment

Human has the ability to invest
to invest for the future
when we invest, we devote our time and money on it
and our worry
however, there is suffering when we invest on something we have no control over

Nature of Man

It is the nature of human to be independent
Human is the only creature that has this ability to be independent from nature
when alive
to produce its own happiness
for happiness is the evidence of free will
where suffering is the evidence of lack of it
limited by birth and death, within one lifetime, one has the opportunity to be happy, to be free
no animals can do this
all human behaviors are struggle and attempt to do just this
to achieve wealth, power, and fame
to be happy and free is not to depend on nature
not to depend on other human being
even not to depend on wealth, power, and fame
to be independent is to be free
to be free is to be happy
there are many wrong information some correct ones
how do you discern them is the question.
wrong map leads to wrong alley.

The nature of relationship

Relationship gets sick, old, and die like anything else
that leads to treatment, breakups, and divorce
some even commits suicide
some talks about "working at it", "recharging it"
fear about the love "slowly dying"
where it's possible that the relationship is transforming
the old nature dies and the new one to emerge
like a caterpillar and the butterfly
that there is nothing to work at
just simply to let go
that whatever is ours is ours
the more we try to work at it, the more we make a mess
what is relationship but our sense of trust
it's more than communication, it's more than interpersonal skills
that's why many people can con it, but can't maintain it
because everything comes and goes
but those con artists don't ever have it
they only have relationship under pretense
the problem in relationship is not communication or interpersonal
but our sense of trust
we either have a dysfunctional sense of trust
or we are in hostile environment.

what is love but our food, being loved
we can get malnourished for lack of being loved
we judge the quality of our relationship from how much are we loved
our relationship change when the quality of their love change
when they lose their attraction, when they are not as romantic
when they don't care as they used to
it's not about how we treat others
but how we are treated
we are mad/sad when our expectations are not being met
or when it is shared or given to others
when being asked "how close is our relationship with someone?"
we always review their behavior toward us as the closeness of the relationship
just like we have preference of what kind of food we like
we also have preference of what kind of people we like
where we ll suck the love out of them...

The nature of things

"To die before we can live" is one of themes in spirituality
to die and being reborn, the seeds must fall before they grow into flowers
is it talking about psychological function?
that our psychology must die before our biology can live
that our mind must die before our body can live
our narcissism must die
the bursting of our narcissistic bubble
of living in semantic/mentalism
in imagination and our negative reaction to them
the maturity of our potential
the mysticism, a mature form of spirituality

things get sick, old, and die from time to time
all material and non material, concept
even a word has its own limited life
relationship gets abstractly sick from time to time

our mind is prone to get sick
that we have fever, toxic reaction, or muscle pain but on a healthy body
our mind addictively hurt the body or others' body
even a person is not the body anymore, it's whoever owns the body.