kesadaran

kesadaran or alertness is a wakefulness of senses
the vibration of triggering sensor
it responds based on significance or importance
when the external senses are more important, the internal senses decrease

Narcissism and distortion

narcissism is psychological gluttony for love
over indulgence of social acceptance and love
adopting the label of power, fame, and wealth
raising the significance and importance of self
distorting the fake ego
distortion lead to too much empathy or lack of empathy (intro and extrovert)

playing it safe

afraid of making mistakes
not taking the risks
overthinking everything
trying to create social impression
positive social image
playing it safe

life with reckless abandon
forgetting the social imagination
live from within

karma formation

the acts of will form karma
the movement of internal psychological program of sensation and image

to love or be loved

there may be a big lie being told around in the world that the most important thing is to love
that we are born to love
that we love others
based on our needs, our social need that we are looking for is to be accepted, to be loved
the sense of being love is like our social food
this sense is the one that feels good
 and being disliked by others is like a spoiled meat

so, what is this business that we love others?
for some it's only in speech or promise
for some it's in action
is it a bait to get the returned love?
a social manipulation?
I love you if you love me?
reciprocical law: you need my love just like I need your love
the food of relationship

what is natural is to be loved, to love is nurtural
we love to be loved
even in parenting love, don't we love our children to their love back?
imagine, loving a child that eternally hate you?
why do you feel bad? because you are not getting a love back?

this is how we are
we ask from the world to give us what we need
we are able to give to exchange for what we need
the giving is the means, the need is the end
physical, safety, social, etc...

Illogical happiness

happiness based on logic is not happiness
it is justified happiness
only if I have this and this, then I ll be happy
we don't need reason to be happy
because we don't need reason for emotion
happiness is an emotion
bodily reaction to live itself
when we quiet down the hallucination
the real life appear
when we wake up from dream,
life appear...

projection reverse

in projection, I reverse the roles of the hero and the shadow
I project my shadow externally and adopt a hero role
I blame others using my own blemish
I take in others good quality
I throw the blame outside, so people don't suspect me to be the thief
to throw others' attention from me and to others
a thief will catch other thieves
it takes one to know one

middle way

it is so easy to be the middle
to be regular
not too fast, not to slow
not too rich, not too poor
not too much, not too little
neither more nor less
not to be the best or the worst
just walk regularly
think regularly
the key to open the door to heaven

ashta loka dharma

Profit & loss, fame & anonymity, humiliation & honor, happiness & sorrow are called the  ’Eight Laws Relating to the Vicissitude of Life’.

A person should have a good grip on those laws which affect one’s life. An ignoramus, who does not know about them, acts conceitedly, thinking himself superior than the rest when he partakes profit, fame, honor and happiness. Intoxicated by those laws, he does so many wrong deeds deteriorating his life both in this world and the life after death.

He repents badly when he has to face loss, anonymity, humiliation and sorrow. He does so many bad deeds because of  hatred and jealousy of the others. Thus, deteriorating his life both in this world and the life after death.

The person who understands about the ‘Laws Relating to the Vicissitude of Life’ never becomes conceited when he partakes profit, fame, honor and happiness. He knows the frailty in them and never acts conceited, thinking others inferior and himself superior.

In loss, anonymity, humiliation and sorrow, he does not become miserable. Does not hate or act jealous towards the others. Does not think himself inferior. Thus, the intelligent person who takes the middle path concerning the ‘Laws Relating to the Vicissitude of Life’, upgrades his life both in this birth and the life after death.

everything in this world is healthy for a while, gets sick from time to time, gets old, and dies

sentient beings, non sentient natural things, relationship, organization, concepts.

metta loving kindness

the first step of developing metta/loving kindness is to myself
then to our closest, friends, and strangers in order
don't go to the next level until you complete the first level

self rejection

The biggest illness for the mind is self rejection
when we reject, neglect, abuse, and deny self, it will react with vengeance
when we succumb to others' selfishness and deny our own selfishness
we sacrifice self like a lamb
we are imprisoned, slaved and incarcerated
everyone is selfish like us
there is no social, no society
only but a name that some people use to represent
when we put others' first, our selfishness becomes hidden and shadowlike
we can't be happy living incarcerated
we are blind and live among the blind and the dead
don't take it personally

self and environment

when focusing on self and environment, self appear
when focusing on environment without the self, uninvolved environment or others' environment, self dissapear
but when focusing on self alone and without the environment, self is still

like a difference between writing a report and analysis
a report is objective and leaves the I out, where analysis is subjective and is a product of my own thinking

whatever is perceived is passive karma
the top bottom knowledge that complete an experience
an interrupted process that occurs continuously and automatically by itself
active karma is our awareness
our free will
yet it is not free if addicted to the passive karma
imprisoned by the passive karma
nothing is important
just be selfish the right way...

stranger

it is said react to the world like they are strangers
react to your body and mind like they are not yours
in fact, nothing is yours
nothing that you have

get beyond the first view and third view eyes to see
use the mystical eyes that is more wise beyond them
that is not attached and gives us complex reaction
we only react to what we care about
be careless and you ll be free
see the body and the world suffer and not be attached or affected by it
for they are just doing what they are supposed to
the passive karma rebirth
watch them get healthy and sick
watch the body and mind goes through the process of contact with the world
they are not ours
nothing is important
it's been taken care of
watch their life
their dance
we have to sit quietly like an audience to watch the performance
and we ll see the greatest performance of lifetime
when there is freedom from the tragedy and horror
from the drama unfold
that's happiness.

it takes one to know one

it is said that we don't like qualities in others that we don't like in ourselves
we deny what we hate in ourselves
we hate qualities in others that we deny in ourselves
in a way, we deny the quality in others too
doing it and looking at it from outside gives different view
while it may give pleasure doing it, it looks ugly from the outside
what looks good from the outside may feel awful
if I hate cheaters, does it mean that I myself is a cheater that I react to so much
my reaction to cheaters are my guilt toward the cheater in me?
blaming is the external guilt of blaming onself

the internal view is the feeling, the external view is social view
how does it effect the social group, other people
it's what mental is
thinking too much is overactive social activity
thinking about others more than self
sacrificing oneself
the external view is the social principle, cultural expectations
the internal is the personal
the external is the passive karma, the internal is the more active

while we can pursue pleasure in our own way, we also must follow social principle that we don't hurt others
at the same time, don't let the social principles handcuff us and make us feel guilty to do what we do
sometimes, the social is right, sometimes the personal
what is pleasant may not be good, what is not pleasant may not be bad
but at the same time, sometimes, it is an overreaction and was blown out of proportion
this is the conflict of emotion and mental, personal and social
there is one that is pleasant and good because it is beyond emotion and mental
it is beyond good and bad, and pain and pleasure

intimacy

intimacy is a beautiful thing
intimacy is vulnerable
when the heart and mind is open
like a petal of flower open to the element of nature
however, it oftenly can be victims of abuse and sham
and close itself
and rationalize as a way to look at the world from a distance
this is called being an adult in this world
unlike animals, we must learn to be intimate again
not only to chosen few, but to the universe
for

• Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (Verse 3)
• Blessed are the meek: for they shall possess the land. (Verse 4)
• Blessed are they who mourn: for they shall be comforted. (Verse 5)
• Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after justice: for they shall have their fill. (Verse 6)
• Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy. (Verse 7)
• Blessed are the clean of heart: for they shall see God. (Verse 8)
• Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. (Verse 9)
• Blessed are they that suffer persecution for justice' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (Verse 10)

verbal and mental experience

mental experience is more powerful than sense experience
sense experience is more powerful than verbal experience
internal sense experience is more powerful than mental experience
habit is a building of our internal sense experiences
this is our passive karma
a reruns of our active karma
and we rerecord and reperform
this sense experience is the brick and mortar of our habit so called life
it's the emotional communication, our intranetwork communication
we have passive emotional memory and present active emotional reaction
like we have passive thoughts and active thoughts
passive behavior and active behavior
passive experience will run its course
only as conscious mental emotional experience
at the same time, we have little wakefulness/alertness/awareness (activeness)
to react to the passive experience
we are passively asleep/dreaming than just little bit awake
we are not a person who dream, we are a dreamer who is idle in his dream
we are zombies who pretend to be a person
blinds who pretend to see
actively, we only react to the passiveness

dunia rumah, dunia kerjaan, dunia sahabat, dunia cinta adalah complex
hanya ingat duka
terjebak oleh tubuh dan pengalaman jiwa yang tua dan menyakitkan
terjebak oleh pengalaman dunia yang bisa sakit dan mati
seperti menangisi orang yang bisa meninggal
jangan actively mengusik batin dan pikiran atau indera
buat ruang kesunyian dan suka cita dulu
dan diamlah dalam suka cita dan membiarkan batin tenang
seperti bubuk kopi yang turun ke bawah gelas
kemerdekaan karna lepas dari pengalaman
karna telah melihat bahwa aku bukan pengalamanku

kebahagian melepas itu seperti kebahagian lepas dari tanggung jawab
menyederhanakan keadaan batin/psychological environment anda
indera seperti bara
semakin sedikit yang bergerak,smakin dingin indera, smakin banyak yang lenyap
meninggalkan lapisan luar keberadaan

kelekatan itu seperti tali, ada 2 ujung, object dan subject, yg dilekati dan yang melekati
identifikasi terhadap object, AKU PERLU/HARUS. confusing level of conditional, treating temporal tenses into present tense.
fokus on the subject, tempat yg melekati dan apa yang melekati

melepas kesadaran indera
SEPERTI TIDUR
melepas kesadaran batin
SEPERTI AMNESIA
HINGGA YG TINGGAL ADALAH KESADARAN

duka adalah masalahnya
sensasi diri adalah akar masalahnya

mengendalikan, memegang kendali

SEE PASSIVE KARMA LIKE SEEING 3RD PERSON VIEW
LIKE SEEING OTHERS SUFFER WITHOUT GETTING ATTACHED
ACTIVE KARMA IS A CHOICE, JOY OR SUFFER THE PASSIVE KARMA

Mind Games

our mind is collection of mind games
created by people and society
social games or relationship games
we are trapped like in a hunger games
the door to freedom is opened all the time
but we don't see it because we must play the games to survive
we identify with the games

it is a social control games
to sacrifice self and surpress self
it's social grooming where we get manipulated and cheated
and is full of justification

the illusion

the self vs the world
the world has lied to sacrifice the self for the world
the self is surpressed by the social force
thus, the self gets sick and act out
recovery begins by uncovering this truth
to focus on the self
to be independent and free from the social bondage
to regain the infant's state of joy

emotion is like a note for our memory
its our sense of everything...

sense of self

find ways to catch the sense of self
by using nets to trap the sense of self
they are wrong, it is not to lose the sense of self, it is to lose the self
by focusing on the sense of self
when the sense of self is happy, the self dissapear

the biggest illusion is to sacrifice self for others selfishness
we must be free from this illusion and gain independence from this illusion
please oneself first, let everything else go.

when self is ignored, it will find pleasure in the wrong places

suffering

just remember the suffering
it's the only motivation to practice
as long as there is suffering, there s still a way to joy...

don't care about life, it's but a dream anyway...
just be happy whenever and wherever you are
just remember suffering and get away from it...

monday meditation

thinking is suffering
playing with fantasy is suffering
working is suffering
life is suffering
world is suffering
other people is suffering
even body is still healthy, it will create suffering
even when mind is still healthy, it will create suffering
when it suffer, it suffer
when it rain, it pour
suffering is when something is not being healthy
health is a temporary

secrete the joy with breath
sooth with breath going in and out
put the suffering in front of you to reflect
leave thought behind
stop it before you begin
slow down the breath
and just feel the breath and joy
leave the suffering behind

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT I AM HAPPY
MY HAPPINESS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

life is a pool infested with sharks
don't jump into it if you want to live
stand on the side
stay off the water

everything, physical and psychological, gets healthy, old, sick, and dies
just they way they are
everything has their own karma, active and passive
leave them as they are

enjoy the freedom and independence
breath out the joy
secrete it out or vomit the joy
release the joy from the throat
and just be and let the world be

push all problems to the side
anything that disturbs the joy
don't push them out or away
they are motivation for the pain killer
like an athlete who put the picture of the opponent on the wall to motivate his practice
enjoy the pain killer...

Problems are food for joy...

TURN ON THE JOY
TURN OFF THE PROBLEMS

3rd and 1 st person point of view

compare this two point of view:
students are just children, their behavior is motivated by goals, like social or self preservation goal
they want to be accepted and to deal with their frustrations

on the other hand:
she doesn't want to study or practice, she plays around during lesson
she doesn't pay attention
i get frustrated, i don't like what I am doing

the first one is more objective and physical
it's a 3rd person point of view

the second one is more subjective and psychological
it's a first person point of view

the first one is looking at the children abstractly or from a distance

use the 3rd person view all the time
high level abstraction and more theoritical
it's the mind at its best
unattached and free
no afflictive emotion and no I involved
no complex of emotion and self...

joy

secret your joy like swallowing your saliva
make and maintain this joy to the end of your life
create a new memory and a new life
create your future of joy

like you can feel drunk whenever and wherever
you can feel joy whenever and wherever reagardless of thoughts
because emotion doesnot follow thought
feeling does...

boredom anxiety

boredom is like driving at low speed with fifth gear
anxiety is like driving at high speed with low gear

emotion and thought

emotion has nothing to do with the thought
like brother and sister, they are linked somehow but they do their own thing
emotion is the elder and the thought follower
why live in the dark wjem we can live in freedom...

ACTIVE AND PASSIVE KARMA

PASSIVE KARMA HAS BOTH THE PREVIOUS PASSIVE KARMA (COGNITIVE AND EMOTION) AND THE LATEST ACTIVE KARMA (THE EMOTION)

COGNITIVE IS THE PLAYER AND THE EMOTION IS THE RECORDER

OUR TASK IS TO BE AWARE BECAUSE WHAT WE THINK WE ARE IS ONLY OUR CONSCIOUSNESS THAT IS ONLY TASK IS TO BE AWARE

OUR PRESENT EMOTION (ACTIVE KARMA) AND PREVIOUS PASSIVE KARMA (COGNITIVE AND EMOTION OR KNOWLEDGE) SHAPE OUR PRESENT COGNITION (HOW WE REMEMBER THINGS). THUS, OUR PRESENT EMOTION AND COGNITION IS RECORDED TO BECOME FUTURE PASSIVE KARMA

PASSIVE KARMA IS OUR MEMORY, ACTIVE KARMA IS THE ACT OF REMEMBERING.

PAST ACTIVE KARMA --> PRESENT PASSIVE KARMA + PRESENT ACTIVE KARMA --> FUTURE PASSIVE KARMA +FUTURE ACTIVE KARMA ...

KARMA IS COSMIC LAW, IF IT'S RECORDED CONSCIOUSLY, IT WILL BE PLAYED CONSCIOUSLY. IF IT'S NOT RECORDED UNCONSCIOUSLY, IT WILL BE PLAYED UNCONSCIOUSLY

WE CAN'T STOP THE PLAYING, BUT WE CAN STOP RECORDING

WE ALL FOLLOW THIS NATURAL LAW OF CAUSE AND EFFECT AND NO ONE CAN ESCAPE IT LIKE NO ONE CAN ESCAPE GRAVITATION

THE FUNCTION OF CONSCIOUSNESS IS AWARENESS

THIS IS THE DYNAMIC FACTOR THAT CAN CHANGE

LIKE A DIRTY AND CLEAN GLASS

FOLLOW THE BEAUTIFUL BREATH TO CREATE BEAUTIFUL ACTIVE KARMA AND FUTURE BEAUTIFUL PASSIVE KARMA.

body awareness

kebahagiaan yang sejati hanya terjadi dalam kebebasan/kemerdekaan
kebebasan hanya terjadi dalam kesadaran
kesadaran hanya terjadi jika badan bangun
dan batin tidur
makanya meditasi berlawanan dengan tidur

ijinkanlah nafas menjadi indah
pikiran tentang tubuh dan dunia kenikmatan indrawi