Freedom

Not having to do anything is freedom
No expectation or destination is freedom
free of relationship pressure is freedom
Nowhere to walk to is freedom
I have arrived is freedom
this is it! This is the destination
we don't expect for something we dont have yet
we should expect what we already have
want what we have and have what we want
So called life is a background
I want to be happy, to be alone, in the mind
just by myself
leave the world behind
the body, people, the world, everything behind
just alone in the mind...

orang makan bukan karna perut yang lapar, tapi hati yang lapar.

Prayer II

How hard it is to yield to You
I have been relying on the world for too long
I stubbornly am carrying all my worries and fear and won't let go
See how little my faith is
Afraid to let go of holding on to this world
and take your Hand
Let me escape and come to your place
for rest and being with You
pull my hand O Lord
into your embrace
and don't let go
Let me be addicted to you
because you are perfect health and wealth
beyond material and biological
You are home-y
home is where the heart is
You are not in my heart, but let me be in Your heart. Amen.

A Prayer

Prayer is communication
We communicate to build relationship
Communication is the mean not the end
When I pray, I mostly focus on the mean and it's dry like a dessert
because I don't pay attention to the relationship
Like relationship with good friends we have
we may feel good by bringing their memory to mind
by "invoking" their name alone suffice
and we want to stay with that thought because we cherish the relationship with the person
that's what we should do when we pray
Invoking the name of the beloved residents of Heaven
and we are building relationship slowly with them
In a way, we are building relationship with the prayer itself
she is a friend in need is a friend in deed
the more you need the faster and closer she will come
it's a flowing brook, a mountain view, it's God's embrace
It requires no explaination like friendship requires none
it's a relationship, the most intimate one, more intimate than any interpersonal one
where she can touch our deepest fear and secret and we are not afraid
someday, you will be like her and she will become you
Yes, we may ask favors like a child can ask favors
But, let's not make it to be the only thing we do like a child who comes to his parents only when he needs something is in a spoiled relationship
He knows our needs and we also need his help
However,  we must have the relationship for us to communicate and share the love
The strength of the relationship is determined by the trust and communication between
the stronger the relationship, the stronger the trust and communication and vice versa...

Batin

Jagalah suasana batin ada tetap menyenangkan
karna batin adalah emosi
apa pun persepsi dan psikologi yang anda alami
mereka bukanlah batin anda
kalau anda menjaga batin anda terang dan menyenangkan
anda tidak terbawa oleh persepsi dan psikologi anda
gunakan penderitaan untuk menciptakan batin yang tenang dan menyenangkan
kebosanan dan excitement memancing batin anda
kebosanan menarik turun terus mencari escape
kalau excitement adalah escapenya lalu ditarik turun
dalam meditasi atau hidup, carilah dulu batin yang tenang dan menyenangkan
sadarilah penderitaan, hidup, sakit, tua, mati, badan, pikiran, dunia, ilusi, orang, pekerjaan, relationship
gunakan ini utk propel anda menuju batin yang tenang dan menyenangkan
jagalah batin ini setiap saat, tidak ada lagi yang lebih penting dan mudah daripada melatih ini
inilah kebebasan...

Attachment

What is falling in love but attachment
what is attachment but expectation of our desires being met
expectation of being fed, being loved, and being treated nicely
this is the thorn of the rose
when our "need" is not met

to Love is a different matter
is it pure nurtural? or is it part of the to be loved/to love cycle?
the privilage only for the free

our perception is appearance based
everything is what it looks like, sounds like, feels like, taste like, and smell like
influenced by past experience and social values
our passive karma
our senses is our active karma

Biological dimension is sensoric based
Perception is Appearance based
Neuro Psychology is attachment based

free will

I will use the difference between a person and environment and Karma to explain what I believe about this topic. I will give the short version.
A person vs Environment: Human being is the only creature that is not 100% reactive to the environment (like plants) or to the perception of their environment (like animals). Human being has developed a neuro psychological bubble that separates human from its environment. This neuro psychological bubble gives human a DELAYED reaction to environment. The question is not if this is free will. The question is how free is this free will. First, our ability to delay a reaction is affected by our biology and emotions. I think our plasticity of our "free will" depends a lot on our sense of pleasure."it is easy to be nice when you are happy" kind of thing. I like and will use @Lucia's term "Skills" in how easy this skills deteriorate as our sense of pleasure dips. Craving is a good example of this. Second, this ability to delay a reaction gives us little bit of control of our environment. The key word is little bit. We can't control weather but we can manage an emergency measure to deal with it. However, we mostly still don't control our environment. We rely highly on "Trust" in our environment, man made or nature made. I drive my car everybody thinking everybody knows how to drive and is in the good condition to drive. There are thousands of virus in the air and in our body that can defeat our immune system.

relationship and perception

cognitive disonance happen when there is a conflict between what we see and we hear
people sometimes must prove behaviorally what they say
they sometimes must prove against their reputation and their behavior
because relationship goes thru boundaries and get tested
They sometimes must convince us that they are not what we think they are
for example, public speakers could have a reputation of trying to sell something
they must convince me that they are genuine
that they are not trying to con me
my shame detector is working
their behavior may betray them or they can't play it well
it's a game of cons, who can convince the trust

Consciousness

If I have a healthy vision and I wear a corrective glasses
I see blurred but I tell people that I can see 20/20
who can doubt me? because they can't see what I see
they don't know my vision so they don't know what I see wearing the glasses
They can't prove either way
the experience is for mine only
I can't remove it, save it, record it, or show it
it's unique and temporal, it is FRACTAL
this is qualia
it's a combination between environment (light), senses, and nervous system
producing the experience
it's one in a lifetime probability
like a probability of a dice coming up with a one
but other than 6 probability and infinite number of probabilities (the spin, the friction of table, etc)
experience is produced from infinite factors that meet randomly to produce the experience.
can;t be reproduced not even by me
it's fleeting
the interaction of body and environment
it's like seeing once in a lifetime phenomenon
it comes and goes
that nobody else can see
he can report it but he can't show it to others
he can verbalize it but he can't record it
the blurred vision experience
is his blurred vision experience

TV INTERNAL HARDWARE DOESN'T MAKE THE PROGRAM
THE PROGRAM COMES FROM OUTSIDE
WITHOUT THE PROGRAMS, IT'S BLACK AND WHITE DOTS
it has potential, such as HDTV DISPLAYS PICTURE DIFFERENTLY THAN BLACK AND WHITE
BRAIN GIVES POTENTIAL NOT CONSCIOUSNESS

SELF - The need to compensate for the sense of loss produced by the acquisition of a distinct identity

CULTURAL HUMANITY BUBBLE
Pre cultural humanity - relationship with environment
biological humanity - is the environment
physical humanity - quantum relationship

DUE TO OUT OF TOUCH WITH BODY AND ENVIRONMENT, BODY/BIOLOGY APPEARS AS SELF AND ENVIRONMENT APPEARS AS NEURO/PERCEPTION IN THE MIND