Solitude

solitude is where a person feels home
because solitude is a comfort zone
where he is in his natural animal environment
where he is competent when he is by himself
competent is comfort
for extrovert, solitude from external environment
for introvert, solitude from internal environment
extrovert has more competent interpersonal skills
introvert has more competent intrapersonal skills
healthy see things, normal sees events, unhealthy see people
personal, unprocessed, imagined

i m too self conscious to be social
focus on competent self and skills
alone self and breathing and basic skills
basic self go back home, prodigal son
be native, like native language, language learned by our nature
rather than conscious skills
we learn from the world never to be satisfied
born when walk, walk when run, run when talk, talk when go to school
WHEN is expectation
mind is naturally brainwashed to be unhappy
to think about what we don't have, we can't do

Freedom

Not having to do anything is freedom
No expectation or destination is freedom
free of relationship pressure is freedom
Nowhere to walk to is freedom
I have arrived is freedom
this is it! This is the destination
we don't expect for something we dont have yet
we should expect what we already have
want what we have and have what we want
So called life is a background
I want to be happy, to be alone, in the mind
just by myself
leave the world behind
the body, people, the world, everything behind
just alone in the mind...

orang makan bukan karna perut yang lapar, tapi hati yang lapar.

Prayer II

How hard it is to yield to You
I have been relying on the world for too long
I stubbornly am carrying all my worries and fear and won't let go
See how little my faith is
Afraid to let go of holding on to this world
and take your Hand
Let me escape and come to your place
for rest and being with You
pull my hand O Lord
into your embrace
and don't let go
Let me be addicted to you
because you are perfect health and wealth
beyond material and biological
You are home-y
home is where the heart is
You are not in my heart, but let me be in Your heart. Amen.

A Prayer

Prayer is communication
We communicate to build relationship
Communication is the mean not the end
When I pray, I mostly focus on the mean and it's dry like a dessert
because I don't pay attention to the relationship
Like relationship with good friends we have
we may feel good by bringing their memory to mind
by "invoking" their name alone suffice
and we want to stay with that thought because we cherish the relationship with the person
that's what we should do when we pray
Invoking the name of the beloved residents of Heaven
and we are building relationship slowly with them
In a way, we are building relationship with the prayer itself
she is a friend in need is a friend in deed
the more you need the faster and closer she will come
it's a flowing brook, a mountain view, it's God's embrace
It requires no explaination like friendship requires none
it's a relationship, the most intimate one, more intimate than any interpersonal one
where she can touch our deepest fear and secret and we are not afraid
someday, you will be like her and she will become you
Yes, we may ask favors like a child can ask favors
But, let's not make it to be the only thing we do like a child who comes to his parents only when he needs something is in a spoiled relationship
He knows our needs and we also need his help
However,  we must have the relationship for us to communicate and share the love
The strength of the relationship is determined by the trust and communication between
the stronger the relationship, the stronger the trust and communication and vice versa...

Batin

Jagalah suasana batin ada tetap menyenangkan
karna batin adalah emosi
apa pun persepsi dan psikologi yang anda alami
mereka bukanlah batin anda
kalau anda menjaga batin anda terang dan menyenangkan
anda tidak terbawa oleh persepsi dan psikologi anda
gunakan penderitaan untuk menciptakan batin yang tenang dan menyenangkan
kebosanan dan excitement memancing batin anda
kebosanan menarik turun terus mencari escape
kalau excitement adalah escapenya lalu ditarik turun
dalam meditasi atau hidup, carilah dulu batin yang tenang dan menyenangkan
sadarilah penderitaan, hidup, sakit, tua, mati, badan, pikiran, dunia, ilusi, orang, pekerjaan, relationship
gunakan ini utk propel anda menuju batin yang tenang dan menyenangkan
jagalah batin ini setiap saat, tidak ada lagi yang lebih penting dan mudah daripada melatih ini
inilah kebebasan...

Attachment

What is falling in love but attachment
what is attachment but expectation of our desires being met
expectation of being fed, being loved, and being treated nicely
this is the thorn of the rose
when our "need" is not met

to Love is a different matter
is it pure nurtural? or is it part of the to be loved/to love cycle?
the privilage only for the free

our perception is appearance based
everything is what it looks like, sounds like, feels like, taste like, and smell like
influenced by past experience and social values
our passive karma
our senses is our active karma

Biological dimension is sensoric based
Perception is Appearance based
Neuro Psychology is attachment based

free will

I will use the difference between a person and environment and Karma to explain what I believe about this topic. I will give the short version.
A person vs Environment: Human being is the only creature that is not 100% reactive to the environment (like plants) or to the perception of their environment (like animals). Human being has developed a neuro psychological bubble that separates human from its environment. This neuro psychological bubble gives human a DELAYED reaction to environment. The question is not if this is free will. The question is how free is this free will. First, our ability to delay a reaction is affected by our biology and emotions. I think our plasticity of our "free will" depends a lot on our sense of pleasure."it is easy to be nice when you are happy" kind of thing. I like and will use @Lucia's term "Skills" in how easy this skills deteriorate as our sense of pleasure dips. Craving is a good example of this. Second, this ability to delay a reaction gives us little bit of control of our environment. The key word is little bit. We can't control weather but we can manage an emergency measure to deal with it. However, we mostly still don't control our environment. We rely highly on "Trust" in our environment, man made or nature made. I drive my car everybody thinking everybody knows how to drive and is in the good condition to drive. There are thousands of virus in the air and in our body that can defeat our immune system.